I'm just living

Okay so if you know me, I'm an analyzer of EVERYTHING..meaning every conversation, every social interaction, every everything. I'm really bad at doing it with guys. My date Sunday was super fun, but I can't help but analyze it. Over and over and over and over again.

So first things first that brought up the analyzing:

He wore this blue shirt that said Yeah! Science Bitch! ..in public. I didn't notice what the shirt said until we were in Best Buy, literally almost 2 hours I'm so observant after he had taken his hoodie off when we were bowling.  

Yes, I cuss. However, I do NOT publicly display curse words on my clothes. I think it's super tacky when people do this. Why...just why would you wear this shirt? There were little kids in the bowling alley at reading level next to our lane. You have a child. Shouldn't you know better? Also, you're 28 years old. Grow up.

Secondly, he's small. Get.Your.Mind.Out.Of.The.Gutter.

I am a big curvy girl. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, because I love my body. So yeah I could lose a few pounds but that's besides the point I'm trying to get across. He's taller than me which makes things okay, but when he hugged me before we went our separate ways, it was kind of uncomfortable. Not because the date was awkward and I didn't like him, but because he was kinda small for my taste. Now, taco bell guy was in shape, but his hugs were soooo awesome and just inviting..and this guys' was not at all. 

Lastly (so far I've only discovered 3) I still keep thinking about my ex. This factor is completely about the way he looks. He is about the same height, walks exactly the same, kind of has a hunchback just like my ex, and every single time I made eye contact with him, I was INSTANTLY reminded of my ex. I am not physically attracted to him anymore. His pictures were nice on his profile, but that face-to-face interaction and the ex look-a-like problem, has completely taken away any physical attraction I had towards him. I feel terrible about it as well. If you knew who my ex was you'd understand my disgust with this situation, because that's what I really feel... disgusted. 

I hate being so damn picky and so over analyzing. I know nobody is perfect. But I cannot bring myself to date this guy long-term. I've already agreed to see him again Saturday..I hate to not give him a second chance because of my picky-ness.

A couple of new guys I'm talking to on POF are looking interesting. One guy has traveled a handful of times, and when I asked him what he's going to school for, he explained a little, but then at the end of his explanation he said: 

"I want more ...but its OK I guess ....I don't know what I want right now I'm just living"

My new motto right here. This is literally the very first time a guy has mentioned that he wants more out of life. I want to be with a guy like this. I hope he doesn't have any skeletons shirts with curse words in his closet.